My Halloween 2013

Sorry for the late post..

Just wanna share my halloween pics at work :D

Me and all the stuff :D




Such a bad spider.. so messy hahaha





My Halloween workstation






Hope you can have your own happy Halloween party :D



Digital Analytics Fundamentals

Yey' just got this certificate today'


and the Scores of 


Hurray to Google!!! I hope for many trainings to come!


Miss World 2013 Home Coming Parade in Ayala Ave.

Kahit umuulan bumaba talaga kami para salubungin yung parade ni Miss World Megan Young. Nakalimutan ko pang kumuha nang payong.


Then lumakas na yung ambon, napilitan ako bumalik sa 12th flr. para kumuha ng payong haha tagal pa bago dumaan sa harap namin ung float nya.
kahit hirap sa pag video sige pa din' hindi tuloy nakuhaan ng maayos. Pero ok lang nakita ko pa din naman sya ng personal Happy na ko dun'

Thanks for making Filipino proud Megan Young' We love you

Hurray to Miss World 2013 "Megan Young"

Hurray!!!
This is a very good news to share. Proud to be Filipino!!

The 23-year-old Filipino-American actress and TV host presented the Beauty of a Miss World-in-the-making. Ultimately, Megan's winning answer to the question on why she should win Miss World, "Miss World for me treasures the core value of humanity and that guides her into understanding people, why they act the way that they do, how they're living their lives and I will use these core values in my understanding not only in helping others but to show other people how they can understand others, to help others so that as one, together, we shall help society," won over the answers of Miss Ghana Carranzar Naa Okailey Shooter who placed third in the competition and Miss France Marine Lorphelin who placed second.




Congratulations  Miss World 2013 "Megan Young"
You make the Filipino Proud!

Meet “Hummingbird” The New Google Algorithm



Google Hummingbird Algorithm
-It’s the name of the new search algorithm that Google is using, one that Google says should return better results.

“Hummingbird” came from the word “precise and fast.”

Google started using Hummingbird about a month ago, it said. Google only announced the change today Thursday to mark the search engine company's 15th anniversary.



My Critic

Surely this new algorithm update will going to have a big impact on the search result for the next few days. I just hope it will make positive impact.



feel free to post your comments too.
Source: Search Engine Land

Philippine ghost short story

True Phillipine's Ghost Story

    Hi my name is Jen and I live at manila Philippines. I'm now 22 years old living with my boyfriend. Anyway, this is a real story that actually happened to me when I was staying in our house at the province. This experience happened to me when I was 12 years old right after my grandfather died.

   My grandfather died of a heart attack and the whole family was in shock. Well, as for me I was only 12 and I didn't actually have a close bond with my grand dad back when he was alive so I never actually paid too much attention to his death. Well, before his funeral we offered a mass and a small gathering to pay our respects. We celebrated it in a small chapel with his casket opened in the front of the chapel. Each one of the family members would come up to the casket to see my grandfather for the last time and say their goodbyes.

   Everyone had come to the casket so it was my turn (Filipino children are not actually scared of dead bodies). I had this habit of knocking into every wooden surfaces that had touched my hands. Anyway, while I was looking at my grand dad while I was up at the casket I was knocking at it with a beat like 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3.

   Then after like 3 minutes my aunt had noticed what I was doing. So she shouted at me and pinched me and told me this old Filipino superstition that when you knock at the casket of a dead body he will come at your doorstep and knock at your door. Well, I never actually paid too much attention to what my aunt had said and continued playing.

   When we got back to our house with one of my cousins and my parents it was already around 10 PM. My parents had go to sleep early because they were so tired. So my cousin and I decided to watch TV. And that's when things started to happen.

   At first we were hearing loud sounds coming from outside, but we didn't pay much attention to it so we just continued watching. Then I got really scared when the lights and TV went on and off. And freaky thing is that it had a pattern, like my knock 1-2-3,1-2-3.

   For about three minutes this continued and I felt really scared and so did my cousin. And the scariest was after the flickering stopped someone knocked on our door with the sound exactly as what my knocks at the casket sound... 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3. Though I was really scared I got the courage to stand up and look out the window to see who it was.

   With my cousin next to me we slowly went to the window and checked. Then what I saw was something I will never forget. It was an old man wearing a black suit. His back was turned so I didn't actually see his face, but I knew this wasn't my grand father. So I was scared and when I pushed my face at the window the man vanished right in front of me.

   My cousin and I cried and ran to my parents room and told them what happened. Well, they didn't believe us and just told us to go to sleep. After that night I prayed and asked that whoever that guy was I hope he would leave me alone. Could it be possible that other spirits heard me knocking back at the burial?

*****

Taxi Number 45 (In Tagalog/English)

February 16, 2008
    It was a dark night when Julie and Chris are walking by the Bayside Road. It has been a cold night and having only a few vehicles passing through this road made it even colder.
    “Sabi ko na sayo! Dapat hinintay natin si Gary doon sa party para may masakyan tayo pauwi. Eh nahihirapan tuloy tayong makahanap ng taxi sa lugar na ‘to. Wala atang dumadaan na taxi dito eh!” complains Julie to his boyfriend. Chris then replies “Jul, it’s getting late na and the party was getting a little boring already. Tapos parang ayaw pa umalis ni Gary eh. Hintay ka lang, may taxi din jan maya-maya.”

    Chris then notices a light from afar behind him. He thought to himself that it could finally be a taxi and that they can finally go home. And as he thought, it appeared to be a taxi after all. Chris then hurriedly waves his hand to signal the vehicle to stop and give them a ride. As the taxi was a few feet away from them, Julie cries out “Ngek! May pasahero na Chris! Puno pa nga ang sasakyan eh.” As Chris heard this from his girlfriend, he took a close look to make sure that the public vehicle is indeed occupied and sure enough, what he saw was exactly what Julie told him; the taxi is packed with its passengers. But to the couple’s surprise, the taxi stopped a few meters away from them. “Grabe naman tong driver na to. Puno na nga, magpapasakay pa.” Julie exclaimed. Chris then started to walk towards the vehicle and as he was doing so, he says to his girlfriend, “Baka dito na bababa ang mga pasahero niya.” Julie then responds, “Ano? Eh wala namang bahay dito sa paligid ah. Tingnan mo nga. We’re practically in the middle of  nowhere.” As Chris heard this, he looked around and only saw an empty field on one side and a gloomy forest on the other.
    Right then and there, Chris thought that things started to get suspicious. He slowly approached the taxi. When he was near enough, he leaned down to take a look inside. To his shock, he saw no one on the passenger seat or on the backseat. There are no passengers in sight. He couldn’t believe it. There was no way both he and his girlfriend were just seeing things. His girlfriend confirmed it twice already. Even though he started to feel light-headed, he struggled to walk further forward to talk to the driver and possibly shed some light on what they’ve seen earlier. As he was about to open the passenger door to speak to the driver, he took a look inside and to his horror, neither driver could be seen inside the vehicle. At this point, Chris already felt like his head had already swollen. It was like he is in a trance due to what he is experiencing at that moment. “Ano daw Chris?! Bababa na ba ang mga pasahero niya?” screamed Julie. Somehow, his girlfriend’s voice snapped Chris out of his shock for a while and he was able to give Julie a look. Yet, Chris couldn’t gather enough strength to speak up. He could only take a deep breath and gulp through his throat. He is already thinking that this is too much for him to handle. Trying to convince himself that all of this are just illusions, he slowly took another look inside the taxi. This time, what he saw was even more horrific. The vehicle is once again filled with people. What’s more bizarre about is that all of them are just looking blankly forward and seemingly oblivious to Chris’ presence. Chris’ eyes started to bulge out in disbelief and as he started to walk backwards, all the people inside the vehicle slowly turned their heads toward Chris. Their eyes are so white; they look like they are glowing. That’s the moment when Chris started to walk anxiously towards his girlfriend. He then grabbed her by the hand and hurriedly walked away from the taxi.
    Chris and Julie were only meters away from where the taxi was parked when he decided to look back. The vehicle was no longer there. Now he feels even less safe and all he wants to do is run away but as he turned back to look forward, a very familiar set of headlights pulled over right in front of them. Chris is terrified over the fact that the taxi might have followed them and now he has to confront it again. He can’t bear to see more of those horrific images he has seen earlier. As Chris was about to run towards the opposite direction, he heard something that made him feel safe again, “Chris! Julie! Get in, I’ll take you guys home.” It was Gary’s car, which pulled over after all. Without any hesitations, Chris took his girlfriend and got in the car.

    In the car, Chris tried to calm himself down. He can’t wait to get out of that place. “I told you guys na sabay na tayong umuwi. Bakit umalis kayo kaagad?” Gary scolded the couple. “Eh eto naman kasing kaibigan mo, Gar! Gustong-gusto nang umuwi. Kesyo bored na daw siya doon.”, explained Julie. Then Gary said, “Di nyo ba alam na delikado dito?” That statement caught Chris’ attention and he said “Di mo lang alam Gar! Hindi ka maniniwala sa nangyari sakin doon.” Gary looked at his friend with heed and said “Anung sinasabi mo?” “Pare minulto ako doon!” cried Chris. “Ano ano ano?” yelled Julie. Chris turned to look at his girlfriend and told her “Yung taxing pinara natin, paglapit ko, nawala ang mga tao sa loob pati ang driver. Tapos napalingon lang ako saglit, pagtingin ko uli, may mga tao na naman sa loob. Puro puti ang mga mata nila pero naramdaman kong nakatingin sila sa akin. Muntik na’kong himatayin dun sa takot!” Julie was shocked to hear this and could only hold her hand up to cover her mouth and utter the words “Oh my God…” and when she could finally gathered herself back together she screamed “Chris huwag mo’kong takutin ng ganyan! Ayoko ng ganyang biro!” After that, the couple simply heard “I believe you.”  Gary claimed to his friend. Even though he was certain with what he saw, Chris understood how the story could be so unbelievable so he stared at Gary and said “Talaga? How could you be sure?” “I know you, man. You don’t have the creativity to make this stuff up!” said Gary with a grin and proceeded to say “Plus you’re not the first one to experience that.”  “What do you mean?” asks Chris.

    “Some of my classmates back in college covered this story once so I pretty much have an idea of what you are talking about. Malamang ang nakita mo tonight ay ang kinakatakutang ‘Taxi #45 ng Malaya Company.’ About five years ago, nadisgrasya dito mismo sa Bayside Road ang Taxing yun. Ang driver pati na ang apat niyang pasahero, patay nang sumalpok ang sasakyan sa puno. Pagkatpos ng disgrasya, marami nang mga kwentong kumakalat na may mga nakakakita pa rin ng taxing yun. May iba sinasabing nakita nilang bumangga ang taxi pro nawawala naman pag nilapitan. May mga kwento rin na tulad sayo, humihinto ang taxi pag pinara tapos pag sasakay na ang pumara, magpapakita yung mga namatay na pasahero. At meron pa. Minsan pag pinapara ang taxi, pinapasakay mismo ang pumara. Tapos bago pa makalabas ng Bayside Road, hihinto ang taxi. Pag tatanungin na ng nakasakay kung ano ang problema, lilingon ang driver pero makikita ng sumakay na walang mukha ang driver. Sinubukan na ng mga classmates ko na tanungin ang Malaya Taxi Company about sa Unit #45 nila pero ang sabi ng kompanya eh nandoon lang daw sa garahe nila ang taxi at di na magamit dahil total wreck na.” tells Gary. “Kung yun nga ang taxing pinara mo Chris, passlamat ka na lang na yun lang ang dinaanan mo.” Chris took a deep breath and said, “ Diyos ko. Di talaga ako naniniwala sa mga ganitong bagay, Gar. Eh nanginginig pa nga ako hanggang ngayon. Ewan! Ngayon ‘pag iniisip ko yung nakita ko, parang bangungot ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Hindi ata ako makakatulog ng ilang araw nito. Yung mga mata nila, ‘di yun maaalis sa utak ko. Para silang umiilaw sa puti” Gary quickly responds to what he heard from Chris, “Sabi ng iba, kaya daw ganun angmga mata nila kasi huli nilang nakita sa daan bago namatay ay high beam headlights ng isa pang sasakyan. Sabi nila baka nasilaw dun ang driver kaya sila nadigrasya.” Julie then buts in, “Chris nahihilo ata ako sa kwento ninyo. Akala ko sa movies lang nagyayari ang mga ganun. Buti na lang hindi ako lumapit doon. Thank God things like those don’t happen to me pero Chris, nilalamig talaga ako ngayon. Nakakapangilabot talaga ang taxing yun.” “Julie, just relax and lean back. It’s gonna be ok. Malapit na tayong makalampas sa Bayside Road. Wala pakong naririning na sightings ng taxi outside this road.” says Gary as he glanced at Julie through the rear view mirror.

    As they were exiting the Bayside Road, Gary adds one more story he remembers about the cursed taxi, “May isa pa. Hindi lang yung taxi mismo ang nagpaparamdam sa mga dumadaan doon sa Bayside. Pati na ang mga namatay na pasahero nito ay naghahasik din ng lagim. May nagsasabing nagpapakita daw ang mga pasehero sa mga drivers ng mga sasakyang dumadaan doon. Makikita mo daw sila sa tabi ng daan na parang pinapara ka. Tapos ‘pag nakalampas ka na, magugulat ka na lang pag lingon mo sa rear view mirror. Makikita mo na lang na nakasakay na sila sa likod.” “Anak ng… Eh anung gagawin ng driver?!” screams Chris. “Marami sa mga drivers, lumalabas sa sasakyan at tumatakbo. Kaya maraming nachochop-chop na sasakyan diyan sa Bayside kasi iniiwan na lang.” Gary glanced at Chris and looks at Julie through the rear view mirror as he continues, “Meron namang mga driver na malalakas ang loob at pinapabayaan na lang daw. Pero may nangyayari sa mga pasahero ‘pag pinabayaan mo lang silang sumakay. Nawawala daw sila isa-isa at nangyayari ito habang may dumadaan na sasakyan. Ang sabi ng iba, yung Taxi #45 ang nakakasalubong mo kaya’t nawawala yung mga multo sa likod ng sasakyan mo. Parang isa-isa silang sinusundo.” “Grabe! Gulong-gulo talaga siguro ang mga kaluluwa nung mga namatay kaya’t ganun na lang sila kung pagparamdam.” says Chris. Gary nods at his friend and says “Sa tingin ko kaya nila ginagawa yung dahil ‘di nila maalala kung ano ang nagyari sa kanila. Paulit-ulit silang bumabyahe sa Bayside para maalala at matanggap ang sinapit nila. Kaya kung pakikiramdaman o pakikitaan ka man, pabayaan mo na lang. Isipin mo na lang na para mo na silang tinutulungan.”

    Gary, Chris and Julie finally reached Julie’s house so the couple were dropped there. Gary escorts them to the door and bids them goodbye. Julie has entered the house and Chris shook Gary’s hand and said “Thanks man! Because of the things you’ve said, I kinda feel better about what happened tonight,” Gary smiles and tells Chris “Don’t worry. All three of us shared your ordeal tonight. By the way, nakita ko rin sila ngayong gabi…” Chris’ jaw dropped and whispered “What?!… How?! Where?!”  “Relax! I think I handled it pretty well. Just don’t tell Julie about it.” says Gary. Chris then asks, “Ha? Bakit?” Gary responded, “When I saw them, they were already inside.” Chris’ eyes widened and Gary continued “Yes. They were inside my car but just couldn’t scare the hell out of your girlfriend. Kaya alam ko kung bakit siya nilalamig kanina. And don’t worry. You’re here now in her house. You’re safe and secured. We’re kilometers away from the Bayside Road. You have nothing to be scared of anymore.” Chris then felt weakened with terror and sat on the porch steps where he and Gary were standing. Gary glances at his car and tells Chris “Yo I need to go! See you around.” As Gary was walking away, Chris screamed “Whoa, Gar! Ayaw mo mag-stay?” Gary continued walking to his car and just yelled “No! I still have to go back!” Chris quickly replied “Wh.. WHAT? Sa Bayside?! Bakit?! Naloloko ka na ba? Umuwi ka na kaya!” As Gary was entering the car, he looked at Chris with a serious look and said, “Trust me.” As Gary was driving away, Chris found the answer to why his friend needed to go back to the cursed road. A very familiar sight appeared before Chris. At Gary’s backseat, Chris saw that there was one more passenger that was left and looked at Chris with those same blinding, bright eyes. Gary needed to drop off one more passenger.



Source: Google



Jokes jokes jokes Part 3

–Sa sabungan walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong….eh walang pera si juan kaya naisip nya para makalibre pumasok sha na may dalang sisiw….

Bantay: hoy!! …ano yan?
Juan: (galit pa) ..manok!! bakit?
Bantay: alam ko!!.. eh bakit sisiw??
Juan: helleeeeeerr?? may laban ang ama niya siyempre… moral support!!.. tanga!!!

–Nanay: nak lutuin mo na yung sardinas..
AnaK: kakaliskisan ko po ba?
Nanay: tanggalin mo na rin ang hasang ng masulit ang katangahan mo hayup ka!!!

–Rod: Bakit badtrip ka ?
Harry: nagtampo skin ang u2l q.
Rod: Bakit naman?
Harry: nakalimutan ko kasi ang birthday nya
Rod: yun lang? anong masama run?
Harry: ang masam run…..Twins kami!!! TWINS!!!!!

–Bitoy: “Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?”
Dagul: “Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. ”
Bitoy: “Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?”
Dagul: “Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!!! ”

–Boy: Miss may titulo ka ba?
Girl: wala bakit?
Boy: tingin ko kasi pag-aari kita
Girl: how sweet? ilang pages ka ba?
Boy: (naconfuse) bakit?
Girl: ang mo kapal kasi!!!!

–may dalawang magkapatid, si malaki at si maliit… sumulat si malaki sa kanyang tatay..

Dear Tatay,
ibili nyo po kame ng isang dosenang itlog at isang kilong baboy
ang inyong anak… malaki

inutusan ni malaki si maliit na ihatid ang sulat sa post office, habang naglalakad napaaway si maliit at ang sulat ay nagkapunit punit!!  pero pilit na binuo ang sulat sa pamamagitan ng tape para mabasa pa rin ng ama…eto kinalabasan….

Dear Baboy,
ibili nyo po kami ng isang dosenang anak at isang
kilong tatay.
ang inyong itlog… malaki

–hinahanap ng mga NPA sina Juan, pedro at berting…..Nagtago sila sa sako sa bodega ng kamote…
NPA: san n kaya sila??!  hmmmmm.. baka nagtatago lang ang mga yun dito……check natin mga sako!!….

Sinipa ang sako 1
Juan: meow! meow!..
NPA: Pusa lang pala

Sinipa ang sako 2
Pedro: arf ! arf !…
NPA: aso lang pala

Sinipa pang sako 3
Berting; tahimik walang reaksyon
Sinipa ulit yung sako 3
Berting: wala ulit reaksyon
Sinipa ng sinipa ang sako 3
Berting: watdapaaaaakk!??! kamote ako….wala akong SOUND!!


Source: just search it in google

Jokes jokes jokes Part 2

Q: Ano sa Filipino ang ‘chair’?
A: Salumpuwit!
Q: E ang ‘wheelchair’?
A: Salumpo!
Q: E ang ‘arthritis’?
A: Salompas!
Q: What about ‘vinegar’?
A: E di salumpia!
Q. Bakit ang oyster ayaw ibigay and kanyang perlas?
A: Dahil ang oyster ay shellfish

ANO SA TAGALOG ANG…….???
01) Contemplate – kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation – pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko – nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious – sapatos na pang tennis
05) Calculator – tawagan kita mamaya
06) Devastation – sakayan ng bus
07) Pr otestant – Tindahan ng prutas
08] Statue – Ikaw ba yan?
09) Tissue – Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate – Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate – Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect – Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct – Ang pato
14) Defeat – Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail – Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit ? Ang Gripo
(Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City – Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18] Cattle – Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading – Unang Kasal
20) Depress – Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense – Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata
sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends – Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo – Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion – Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit,
eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery – Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch,
eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit – Patunayan mo
28] Balance Sheet – What comes out after eating a
balance diet
29) Backlog – b acon saka egg
30) Beehive – magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM – tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug – ang ipis
33) Defrag – ang palaka
34) Defense – ang bakod
35) Defer – ang balahibo
36) Deflate – ang plato
37) Detest – ang eksamin
38] Devalue – ‘yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote – ang boto
40) Dilemma – brownout!, a!
41) Effort – ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums – apat na kwarto
43) July – nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy – what comes after litur F
45) Thesis – ito ay…

Pedro: may ka-eyebol ako mamaya.. anu kya itsura nia? kc sabi nya may kamukha daw syang celebrity!!…. “SH” ang simula ng name!!
Juan: jackpot ka, Pedro! Bka SHeri or SHaina!
(matapos ang eyebol, uwi c Pedro)
Juan: kamusta eyebol mo? Bakit ka mlungkot?? akala ko ba mukhang artista?!
Pedro: tama!! kamukha nya si…. “SHrek”!!






Ina: Anak matalino ka daw sa math sabi ng titser mo
Anak: Opo!!
Ina: sige kunwari binigyan kita ng 5 apples and 3 grapes. Ano ang sagot mo?
Anak: Thank you po!!






Nurse and the patient from mental hospital…
Nurse: Ano yang ginagawa mo??
Patient(baliw): Nagtatanim…
Nurse: Anu yang tinatanim mo.. Eh wla ka namang mga seed..
Patient(baliw): SEEDLESS NGA ‘TO!!! Adik ka ba?!?!

A doctor was examining his patient from the Mental Hospital.
Doctor: Kung ikaw ay palabasin ngayon, ano ang gagawin mo?
Patient: Dok, titiradorin ko po ang buwan!
Doctor:Ikaw ay hindi pa pwedeng palabasin. E-examinin kita ulit pagkatapos ng anim ba buwan.
Pagkalipas ng anim na buwan….
Doctor:Kung palalabasin ka ngayon, ano ang iyong gagawin?
Patient: Doktor, ako po ay magaling na! Pagkalabas ko po ng ospital, ako po ay hahanap ng trabaho upang mamuhay ng maayos.
Doctor: Good! Pag nakahanap ka na ng trabaho, ano ang iyong gagawin?
Patient: Doktor, ako po ay manliligaw ng isang mabait, masipag at magandang babaeng pwede kong makapiling na pang habang buhay.
Doctor: (Gulat ang Doktor! Mukhang matino na ang kaniyang pasyente!) Pagkatapos niyong makasal, ano ang iyong gagawin?
Patient:Aba, Doktor, kami po ay mag-hahanimun!
Doctor: (Tanong ulit ng bilib na doktor) Ano ang iyong gagawin sa inyong hanimun?
Patient: Doktor, huhubarin ko po ang blusa at palda ng aking bagong asawa.
Doctor: Pagkatapos…?
Patient: Pagkatapos, huhubarin ko ang kaniyang bra at panty.
Doctor: Pagkatapos…?
Patient: Pagkatapos… kukunin ko lahat ng lastiko sa bra at panty at titiradorin ko ang buwan!


 Q and A GAMESHOW!! (parang tanga lang!)

Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao?                                                                    A: …..”Humanitarian??”

Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?”                                                                                                                                                          A: “Hindunesia?!”

Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?”                                                                                                                                                     A: “Baby oil?”

Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?”                                                                                               A: “Sweetserland? “

Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.”                                                                                                                                        A: “Tiger?”

Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?”                                                                                                                        A: “Baliw!”

Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?”                                                                                                                                                A: “Cold water!”

Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?”                                                                                                                                                         A: “Kamag-anak! “

Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?”                                                                                                                                                            A: “Godzilla?”

Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?”                                                                                                                                    A: “Itlog ng tao!”



Source: just search it in google

Jokes jokes jokes....

Anak: Tay, nasugatan ako!!!
Tatay: Buti nga hindi ka umiyak.. Lalaki talaga ang anak ko!!!
anak: syempre naman po tay, sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, “Big Girls don’t cry!!!”

“Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!”  - Golddilocks
“Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo.
Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo”.  - ipis
“Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod
na pagod na ako.”  - Bola
“Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?  - TV
“Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,
gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!”  -Brief
“Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!  -deodorant
“Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!”  - winnie d’ pooh
“Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil ba mas sweet ang iba?”.  - Fruitcake
“Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!”  - Jollibee
“No matter how strong we hold on still there comes a time that we suddenly fall…”— butiki


Girl: Hon anong zodiac sign mo??
Boy: (nagisip siya dahil bobo hindi nya alam) sayo muna hon.
Girl:zodiac sign ko Cancer
Boy: sa kin Goiter!!!

Son: dad, may confess ako.. bakla ako.. huwag mo akong bugbugin please..
dad: ssshhhh! !wit ka loud baka ma-hear tayo ng mudra mez!! kapag 2 lang tayo, carry mo akong tawaging mother!!

Tatay:anak, gising na at kakain na tayo.. hinanda ko ang paborito mong ulam
Anak:talaga tay!!!
Tatay: hulaan mo.. may CHOP sa dulo??
Anak:aha!!! porkchop tay!! paborito ko yun eh!!!
Tatay: ketchop anak.. sige kain ka na…

Guy1: Pare parang i love you…
Guy 2: stop it pare!!! wag kang ganyan!!……just prove it!!!!

Sa Math Class
Teacher: tanong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Buknoy: 2 po mam!!!
Teacher: at kung hinati ko pa pareho??
Buknoy: 4 piraso po
Teacher: hinati ko ulit
Buknoy: 8 piraso po
Teacher: hinati ko pa
Buknoy: 16 po mam
Teacher: hinati ko pa
Buknoy: 32 piraso po
Teacher: kung hinati ko pa ulit?
Buknoy: 64 po!!!(galit)
Teacher: hinati ko pa 2 beses ko pang hinati
Buknoy: buwisit ka mam!!! GINILING na yun!!! GINILING GAgo!!!

a man went to a pharmacy to buy condoms…
Saleslady: P2000 po ang isa sir..
Man: what?? bakit sobrang mahal???
Saleslady: kasi po pede nating i-try!

Do you know INNER ROW???
What is inner row??
Inner Row is that which comes before
Pibrerow
Marsow
Abril
Mayow…

Pedro at Juan manonood ng sine… Natigilan si Pedro.
Pedro: Uwi na lang tayo. Puno na.
Juan: Pano mo nalaman?
Pedro: Di mo ba nabasa yun sa pinto? ?!….PULL!!

@joyness29–  ngongo, tinakpan mata ng misis..
ngongo: nges hu??  (guess hu?)
misis: nges hu nges hu ka jan, kaw lang naman ngongo dito!!

Ano ang ayaw ilagay ni Goldilocks sa buhok niya???…
Sagot: Red Ribbon!!

Isang probinsyano nagrent ng room sa hotel…Prob: alam ko probinsyano lang ako kaya wag mo akong lokohin! bakit ganito room ko?Maliit!! walang kama at bintana!! mahal na mahal ng binayad ko tapos ganito lang??
Roomboy: Sir nasa elevator pa lang tayo.. Huwag kang excited!!!

RUSSIAN PATAY–(cant help falling inlove)–wise men cant say, only fools russian, patay cant help, falling inlove with u!
MELON KANGKONG MAIS GULAMAN TALONG–(nandito ako ogie a.)– melon kangkong mais gulaman, maari bang mag talong..
DINA BONEVIE GARY V–(spice girls)–dina bonevie my lover…you gary v with my friends..
NEW ZEALAND–(anak)…new zealand ka sa mundong ito..laking tuwa ng magulang mo…
EDU MANZANO SIXTEEN–(greatest love of all)–i decided long ago never to walk with edu manzano..if i fail if im sixteen..
JOHN LENNON–(lean on me) INTRO–john, john john john john..john john john john john….lennon me! when ur not strong…
AMOY KAPENG–(tic toc)–amoy kapeng the morning feeling like p. d!
JAVELIN–(laklak) rakrakan naaaa! javelin bilinan ng lola! wag ng uminom ng serbesa!!
LAPIS–(incomplete)–without u girl my lapis incomplete!!
IM A FRIEND–(fallin)–im a friend to fly…and i dont know why…
ITS YOUR LOST–(time after time) its your lost and u will find me…time after time!
TAGABITBIT PUTOBUNGBONG–(black eyed peas)–tagabitbit! tagabitbit! tagabitbit! putobungbong, putobungbong! tagabitbit bit bit bit!
MAMANG TULALA–(lady gaga) –rah rah rah ah ah….mamang tulala…gaga uh lala…want ur bad romance!
SOON TO OPEN PAN DE MANILA BIGLANG NAGSARA (ricky martin)– uno dos tres…soon to open pan de manila..uno dos tres…biglang nagsara!!
MAY KUMAWAY–(thousand miles ata?? hehe)–may kumaway downtown walking fast, faces past and im homebound..
LASLAS EYEBALL READY STOLEN–(hush hush PCD)–i dont want u! theres nothing left to say..laslas laslas! eyeball ready stolen! our love is broken. baby hush hush!
NIDO GATAS ALASKA–(with you chris brown) i nido boo..i gatas see u boo..and alaska over the world tonight..said alaska over the world tonight!!
MAONG NA BLUE–(my boo)–you will always be my boo…maong! maong! na blue!! maong maong! na blueeee!!
CIVIL WAR–(campaign ad)–civil war ang tunay na mahirap…civil war ang tunay na malasakit!!


Mister: adik talaga ako dito sa alimango
Misis: naku ingat ka sa cholesterol niyan!!! may kilala ako sa tondo na kumain ng tatlong matatabang alimango na puro aligue habang nakikipaginuman
Mister: talaga!!! tapos ano nangyari??
Misis: lumabas lang siya sandali para jumingle ayun bigla na lang bumulagta patay na!!!
Mister: inatake sa puso??
Misis: hindi, sinaksak ng adik!!! marami talagang loko dyan sa Tondo!!!

Mom: Pauwi ka na ba?? Asan ka na???
Son: andito po ako sa hospital…
His Mom cried: Ano nangyari sa yo????
Son: Nay, Nurse kaya ako!! sabog ka ba???

Preso sa silya elektrika:
Warden, may last request po ako…
Warden: ano yun???
Preso: hawakan nyo naman kamay ko.. moral support ba!!!

Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ‘yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

Kriminal 1: Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?
Kriminal 2: Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya!
Kriminal 1: Sana naman wlang nangyaring masama sa kanya….TSK TSK!!

JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba ‘yun? Nakalagay nga dito: “for 3 years & up”!

Patient: Magkano ang magpaface-lift?
Doctor: Complete treatment, P145000.
Patient: Ang mahal! Ano ba ang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktor: Eto, tsupon, P20 lang! GAGO KA!

At a funeral…
tatay: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
anak: Kararating pa lang natin a!
tatay: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: “REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.”





Source: just search it in google
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